You’ve heard it before.

Usually from the same person who spends 15 hours a week making Reels and gets 19 views—half of which are their mother.

Meanwhile, I’m over here watching clients pull in real revenue from campaigns that look like they were designed on a Gateway desktop in 2003.

Ugly? Maybe.
Effective? Absolutely.

No. It’s the cargo shorts of marketing.
And yeah—cargo shorts are ugly. But they’ve got pockets. And sometimes you need to carry sh*t.

This is NOT for “marketers.”
This is for people.
People who want their stuff to work.
People who are tired of being told everything needs to be AI-generated, hyper-personalized, optimized for TikTok, and blessed by a 23-year-old brand strategist with an iPhone and ring light (although I’ll certainly use my friendly AI chatbot to generate copy when need be).

This is for the ones who want real results, not another “thought leadership” post about how email is the future (help me, please!).

I mean this newsletter.
(Not the whole “what am I doing with my life?” thing.)

I’ll share:
– Strategy
– Segmentation
– and, Sarcasm, obviously.

(You’re welcome.)

Also, I might occasionally yell about reply devices. Or laugh at a badly kerned headline. Or explain why your test panel tanked (spoiler: it wasn’t the font). And don’t get me started on envelopes.

Weekly-ish. Or more often if I’m not doomscrolling, watching TikToks, or staring at my phone pretending to be busy.

Because sometimes you can teach a new dog OLD TRICKS. You just have to do it.
Just right.