📬 Pre-Sorted Nonsense of the Week
Before we dive in, you might’ve noticed something new:
Pre-Sorted Bullsh*t got a bit of a glow-up.
New masthead. Cleaner look. (Thank you, Molly. Seriously.)
Updated vibe over at presortedbs.com.
And yes—it took me a minute to get this issue out.
But in my defense, I was busy providing 47 rounds of feedback to the designer.
(The designer was me. I was the problem. As usual.)
Anyway, let’s kick things off with a confession:
This newsletter runs on Stratcasm™.
That’s not a gimmick or a tagline—it’s the core philosophy behind Pre-Sorted Bullsh*t.
A house blend of actual marketing strategy… and the sarcasm required to survive it.
It’s what happens when you know how to build a real campaign but also know how to roast the ones that get approved instead.
It’s clarity with an eye-roll. Insight with side-eye. Sarcasm with a strategy degree.
And few things feed Stratcasm quite like a LinkedIn job description trying way too hard.
Here’s one (a real one!) I came across recently (lightly redacted to protect the buzzwordy):
“Lead a team of strategic acquisition marketers charged with owning the development and execution of data-driven go-to-market and creative strategy for general market and segment value propositions across consumer and small business verticals.”
…Cool.
Is it a job? A Mad Lib? A compliance test?
If you're not sure, here’s a quick breakdown of what’s actually happening in this single, meandering sentence:
Three different levels of strategy:
Strategic, go-to-market, and creative. Because why pick one when you can list them all?Two types of ownership:
They’re owning the development and owning the execution. So basically: control issues with a thesaurus.One phrase that feels vaguely threatening:
Segment value propositions. If you say it three times fast, a marketer gets summoned to a synergy summit.And at least six buzzwords duct-taped together to sound important without saying anything:
Strategic
Acquisition
Data-driven
Go-to-market
Creative strategy
Verticals
This is how marketing eats itself.
A perfectly good role gets buried under a sentence so abstract, it could double as performance art.
So, what does this actually mean?
Stratcasm Translation™:
“I lead a team that creates marketing campaigns for regular people and small businesses. We use data, creative, and strategy to make it work.”
Still solid. Still smart. Just… readable.
This is exactly why Stratcasm exists.
To push back on the idea that more words = more value.
To remind us that marketing isn’t supposed to be confusing. It’s supposed to convert.
Let’s talk about what Stratcasm really means next.
Signed,
Josh Gold
Chief Stratejest
🧠 The Johnson Box
Stratcasm (noun)
/ˈstræt.kæz.əm/
The art of blending strategic insight with unapologetic sarcasm.
The official tone of this newsletter.
Example: “Sure, send a 12-page letter to cold prospects. What could possibly go wrong?” That’s Stratcasm.™
Also now a t-shirt.
Because yes, I’m monetizing my own eye-roll. Deal with it.
Or, better yet… Buy it here.
🗑️ Junk Drawer
This week’s odds and ends, all freshly pulled from the cluttered corner of my brain labeled “Use This Someday.”
New Job Titles, Now Available
Feeling inspired by that LinkedIn nonsense? Try these on for size:
Chief Bullsh*t Detector
Chief Stratejest (position has been filled, by me)
Sr. Vice President of Indecision
Sr. Director of Synergy Alignment
Sr. Director of Mouse Movement (remote position)
Sr. Manager of Acronym Expansion
Sr. Director of Unsolicited Feedback
Sr. Regional Manager of Market Buzzword Optimization
Sr. Vice President of Painfully Long Email Threads and Even Longer Titles
Stratcasm Glossary: Fresh from the T-Shirt Department
Yep, these are real definitions from the Pre-Sorted Bullsh*t merch line.
Want one on your chest? Shop the collection here.
Synergy (noun) – a buzzword used when no one actually knows what they’re doing.
Deadline (noun) – an imaginary milestone.
Teamwork (noun) – when one person does the work and five people take credit.
Urgent (adjective) – a label used to disguise someone else’s poor planning as your emergency.
Meeting (noun) – an ancient ritual where buzzwords are spoken, one person talks too much, and nothing gets resolved.
Inbox (noun) – a digital dumping ground for to-do lists, vague emails from your boss, and timeshare offers you might actually open.
Got a definition you think belongs on a shirt (or in this glossary)? Submit your idea here.
If it makes me laugh, I’ll pretend it was mine all along. Because, teamwork.
Quote of the Week
“Powered by iced coffee, deadlines, and Stratcasm.”
Frame it. Embroider it. Pitch it to HBO.
🛠️ Some Strategic BS
Let’s get one thing straight:
Stratcasm isn’t just commentary. It’s a method.
It’s how we cut through noise without sounding like a robot.
It’s how we hold attention without relying on cheap tricks.
And yes, it’s how we survive meetings where someone suggests “maybe the QR code just needs a bigger drop shadow.”
Here’s what Stratcasm actually does:
It takes a bloated sentence like:
“We aim to amplify cross-functional synergies through data-activated engagement touchpoints…”
And rewrites it as:
“We send stuff that gets people to act.”
Stratcasm doesn’t mean being a jerk. It means being honest, clear, and sharp.
It’s a filter. A test. A survival instinct for anyone who’s been asked to "make the envelope more clickable."
If you’ve ever launched a campaign that worked—and then had to explain why it worked to someone who didn’t read the brief—congrats.
You already speak Stratcasm.
And if not? Stick around. It’s a language worth learning.
📣 The Required CTA
Think of someone in your life who writes LinkedIn posts that sound like brand decks translated by AI.
Forward this issue to them. Gently. Or not.
Or better yet—send it to the one person on your team who gets it and is too smart to say “segment value proposition” with a straight face.
Want to contribute to future issues?
Send me the worst marketing copy you’ve seen lately. Bonus points if it involves a confusing CTA, a forced acronym, or anything described as “award-winning” but somehow still confusing.
And if you’re not subscribed yet:
👉 You know what to do
✍️ P.S. Because There Should Always Be One
Stratcasm won’t fix every bad campaign.
But it will make you smarter, funnier, and slightly more fun to sit next to in a meeting.
Share the newsletter.
Subscribe if you’re new.
presortedbs.com
And if you ever find yourself writing “go-to-market creative strategy for segment value propositions”—please, just... don’t.