📬 Pre-Sorted Nonsense of the Week
I’ve worked with plenty of digital marketers over the years. Smart people. But drop them into direct mail and they somehow manage to light money, paper, and postage on fire. Impressive, in a sad kind of way.
They think testing is instant. But mail takes mettle.
Online? You can launch 47 ad variations before your coffee gets cold. Another reason why iced coffee is king, but I digress…
Mail? You’re renting lists, chasing legal, proofing 14 versions, juggling print schedules, dealing with postal calendars, and hoping your paper stock isn’t sitting on a cargo ship somewhere in the Pacific. And that’s before the lettershop breaks something.
Testing still happens. It’s just slower, riskier, and a lot more expensive when you get it wrong. The good news: we’ve got better tools now. Platforms like RRD’s Acuity and Quad’s Accelerated Marketing Insights let you test creative with small panels, model response, and trim weeks (and thousands) off the process. Not instant. But faster than waiting six weeks to find out your headline bombed.
(Some of us like to use RPM’s Rapid Performance Method — a faster way to test, optimize, and skip a lot of the painful “learning what doesn’t work” phase before you blow through your postage budget. Oh, did I just mention the company I work for? Anyway…)
You can retest…just don’t expect instant results.
You get one drop. You read the early returns. You adjust. Then you drop again. If you planned it right, you can build in some quick-turn adjustments using digital triggers or small pilot waves to tighten up the second round. But anyone selling you on “real-time optimization” in direct mail is selling you something else, too.
After 20… something… years doing this, I still test. Just not blindly. I typically know what works, but I still get surprised.
Envelope teaser ≠ email subject line.
No, your email subject line isn’t your envelope headline. But if you’ve got a killer subject line—a real benefit-driven, punch-you-in-the-face line—it can absolutely work on the outer envelope. Especially if it feels personal, time-sensitive, or urgent.
“Your tax credit expires on Friday” works whether it’s in Gmail or a mailbox. (But please… no emojis on the envelope.)
Treat the envelope like a billboard.
The envelope is your first (and maybe only) shot. This is your traveling display ad. Big promise. Simple message. Zero clutter. The “teaser envelope” approach isn’t new. It works because it forces you to stop trying to say five things at once.
And unlike email, where 80% of people delete without even seeing the headline, mail gives you 80–90% physical engagement. They at least have to touch it before throwing it out. That’s half the battle. (This is where frequency helps. But that’s a topic for another time.)
Typos live forever.
Someone on last week’s status call reminded a client: once the typo hits the press, you own it. Forever.
In digital you edit the landing page. In mail, you reprint and hope your boss doesn’t ask how much that just cost.
Respect the channel or keep wasting stamps (and a sh!tload of money).
Mail costs real money. Real lists. Real print. Real postage. Which means lazy creative, sloppy targeting, or chasing digital vanity metrics will blow through your budget before your ad platform even starts optimizing.
Direct mail isn’t complicated. But it’s also not forgiving. The good news is if you actually put in the work—and know what you’re doing… or hire someone that does (oh, hi!)—it still works. And it works better than most people think.
🧠 The Johnson Box
Digital gives you 47 chances.
Mail gives you one. Maybe two. If you're lucky.
🗑️ Junk Drawer
USPS tactile and sensory discounts are still a thing in 2025. Textured papers, scents, pop-ups, even NFC and AR mailers still qualify for a 4% postage discount through the Tactile, Sensory & Interactive promotion (USPS, 2025).
Mail response rates remain strong. ANA data shows house lists around 9% and prospect lists around 5%, significantly outpacing digital channels where email often hovers near 1% (ANA Response Rate Report, 2024).
Unlike digital, mail costs don’t spike with ad auctions. Meta CPMs may dip, but your postage stays constant, insulating your campaign from bidding wars.
🛠️ Some Strategic BS
What digital marketers can actually steal from mail (and vice versa):
Segment like you’re paying for it. Because in mail, you are. Every bad name on the list costs real money. In digital, you just burn through cheap impressions and pretend it’s fine.
Build hybrid campaigns that actually make sense. Yes, you can trigger a postcard after a site visit. Or follow up a mail drop with retargeting. Just don’t confuse “automated” with “strategic.” Most of these hybrid plays flop because nobody bothers to write a real offer.
Send people somewhere useful. If mail drives response, don’t dump people on your homepage and hope they figure it out. Build landing pages that match what you just sold them. It’s not advanced. It’s just called finishing the job.
📣 The Required CTA
Know someone who still thinks you can “optimize direct mail in real-time”?
Do them a favor. Forward this before they burn through another postage budget.
✍️ P.S. Because There Should Always Be One
Yeah. I leaned into the "ish" in weekly-ish by skipping last week.
If you noticed, congratulations. You might be one of my actual readers.
Either way…
